i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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