is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
