she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
