I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
