Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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