Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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