No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
