It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize