don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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