His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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