My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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