the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They are going to name an STD after you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
