She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
