you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
