I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
