Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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