great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
