im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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