I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
