i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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