I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
