my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
