can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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