My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
