her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize