She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hippo gnu deer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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