so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
