Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
