so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize