The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
