when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
