What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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