dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
