I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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