You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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