I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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