no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
