Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
nutella sex= disaster
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
