I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
