I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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