if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
