I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
