if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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