i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
