JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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