i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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