my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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