U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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