Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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