So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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