I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
