you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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