I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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