Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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