If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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