Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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