It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
