So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Text me some of your sweat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
