Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
