She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
