i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
