didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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