if i can run in heels then i can drive
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize