So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
