i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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